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The Not-So Famous DILBART
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Spoils - The Skruffy Biz
Written 4-29-01
The 99 cent store, where all the world's cheapest toys end up. And sometimes, the coolest toys on the planet. Some Saturdays ago, I went up by Bristol for some family endeavours, when suddenly I see Toy Works. I stop by, and coming out see the Dollar store. Hey, lets see if theres some good stuff here... Eagerly, I get trot over there with my dad and greedily peruse the store. We were met with hordes of infinite shelves of useless merchandise. My home! I've been to Ocean State Job Lot and seen some junky CDs but the 99 Cent Store stole the cake on what music i saw there. These are the CDs that hit walmart for a few weeks, then filtered throught to Ocean State, then finally thrown away to these dollar stores. These CDs include anywheres from Jazz Blues Man to Catherine the Great(!) to The Connells. All stockpiled on a riser shelf with a two digit price tag. I wouldnt be suprised if these CDs eventually would be given away for free. I am saddened at the thought of somebody actually buying one of these, at that I got my dad away from those shelves, BEFORE he bought one. Ill backtrack and tell you of my personal experiences going to the Queen St. Dollar Store back in the early 90s with friends. Everytime we were up that way, we stopped there. And never left empty-handed. Some of the spoils that I bought, (and somehow still have in my closet), were: black speakers, Ninja Turtles Music Tape, a Russian Diecast, Football Stickers, and POGS! Unfortunately , I recently came back from that same store (under a new name) and found nothing. Back to the Bristol 99cent store: I pass the food aisle and grabbed myself some wafers, putting them down shortly thereafter. Not only are those foods cheap, they're nutritionally cheap! Probably end up with diarrhea. I passed the school supplies, but nothing caught my eye. Yet, the school stuff gave way to the toys section. My eyes wandered frantically. I had experience with dollar store toys, they were the coolest. Will today's session prove the corollary? Yes! 
The Crazy FROG peanut I couldn't believe my own eyes when I fixed them on this. The renowned Mystery Peanut. The first time I've ever heard of it was on X-Entertainment, and of course, I figured I would never find anything like so. Without a moment of thought, i popped one off the shelf and wedged it in my arm. It will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine...This toy section was already good just standing here, what else can i get? The myriad of imitation toys i saw just amazed me; The titles even more inventive. Such a cowboy set that reminded me of some toys i used to play as a kid was placed in a cheesy burning village cardboard scene, and the words "Indians + Guns" gave the buyer a grasp of what this set is to do. Nevermind what FROG does. Juxtaposed was a knight set clad with "Castle" as the title. These names had no dignity whatsoever. I dont recall any other toy that caught my mind. I was to wrapped up with my FROG peanut. Yeah, what about the peanut, you ask. Here ill describe it a bit. As above, you could see the colorful frog banner and the cheap plastic wrapping. But what got me was the "WOO!" After reading that i was ignited with thoughts and excitement that would occupy my time for hours. What do I do with it? Open and close it, and listen to its chirping sound. An alarm clock? A dioramma? None of that!  
This next item was from the corny thoughts of my own dad. Of course he was wandering the store when i was facinated with the toys, and he made his way there shortly thereafter. Enough being enough, i got him to pay for our stuff and flee before being seen by Mom who was coming out of the Food center. On the way out, i caught notice of a huge pin with a british flag and "SWINGER" printed on it. Oh well too late! As I write this the Frog P-Nut sits atop my computer monitor. It has no company name and now i have people asking me where they could get one. Not far away is the Man-voice cell phone. The voice is actually a womans voice. Go figure, either false advertising or a castrated man voice sample. Heres what the package says (try not to droll on the keyboard when you laugh..)
In closure, my advice: Dont overlook the dollar stores. They'll be your friend in college since they have cheap paper, pens, maruchan noodles, and Frog Peanuts. I have no comment otherwise.
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He loved this 'cell phone', a multi-(ugly)-colored cell phone toy with buttons. The package was the most creative thing about it. It claimed to have a "real man-voice." Dad wanted it badly. I tried my damndest to make him not buy it. But he ignored my pleas, and good thing so.
